With my trusty sidekick Randall by my side and publicly professing my insanity as the 10" wide and 1" thick pattie was placed on the grill, I had made a commitment to myself (for what reason I still have not figured out) and to all man kind to prove once more the MAN is the king of all beasts.
As we shared a laugh at the table while waiting for this mass of red meat to be cooked to perfection, I thought to myself "Have i bitten off more than i can chew?" (pun intended) But, it was too late this burger was coming no matter what.
"Corey your order is ready, Corey your order is ready" was the beckon call to finalize my commitment by making the walk to "Gate #3" (that's what thier pick-up location is called). There it was hidden underneath what must have been a enough dough to hide most small children from their parents. And once again a laugh came over me that I almost could not stop. "That is the most ridiculous hamburger I have ever seen" said Randall. I agreed. As I walked to the condiment bar and embarked on yet another journey to cover this monster called the "Super King Kong Burger" with my favorite goodies.
Heinz stock surely rose as i made my way around the pattie which took several spins of my tray to evenly cover the burger. And then on to the head of lettuce that i added, four slices of cheese just to cover the pattie and a jar of pickles to add that zing.
It was too late to turn back and not willing to waste money, I sat down. Bite, after bite after bite, I ate until it was gone and my stomach had expanded to the point that I lookied similar to Violet Beaureguard in Willy Wonka after eating the "three course meal" prototype gum, only I knew there would be no squeezing room just down the hall. Victorious I stood up like a champion and made my way to the Tea dispenser to add some moisture back into my body, of which I am certain the Mrs. Baird's cocoon that held the full one pound had soaked from every square inch of my body and that's when it happened. I felt it, that unstoppable feeling of misery that most people only get at Thanksgiving. With another 7 hours of work and travel time, I knew at that very moment that it would be a long night and it was! With out completely ruining everyones appetite now I will tell you that i kept this bohemouth of a burger down the entire Monday night, and have not eaten since.
And for those of you interested here is a picture of the burger, and by the way, the hand in the picture belongs to Randall, whom we estimate to be about 4 sesame seeds shy of 9" from wrist to fingertip.
If you are ever in the Midland Texas area and would like to make a complete idiot of yourself just as I have, I strongly suggest the help of Micheal's Charcoal Grill.
And if you think, that your appetite is bigger, I also suggest the "Tall City Burger". It's the Super King Kong Burger's 2 pound pattie big brother.
